Many of us want to have better, stronger or more connected relationships, but don’t know how to get there.

Dr. Stan Tatkin suggests that what we should be aiming for is secure functioning attachment. This means that the way the relationship works is to make each person feel more secure. We become more secure by building the trust and love between the couple into what he calls a “couple bubble”.

To do this, couples need to focus on what is best for the relationship rather than playing “me first” . Sometimes we need to step up and become the love we seek in others. Also, we need to be vulnerable and allow others to really see us. We may have to learn how to soothe and settle the other and ourselves at times. And perhaps give up addictions to technology and other “thirds” to become more present and available to each other. Sound scary?

Maybe. But as someone who has walked this path, I can say it is really worth it! Secure functioning attachment can heal the past and make the world a really beautiful, magical place. And if children are involved, it protects them and benefits them in so many ways!

I would love to hear from you about this.